Courage Relationships

Colouring in the same Shades of Crazy…

July 2, 2018

If you are like me, more of an observer than a participant and more of a participant than an observer when you have sassed out the environment and the people within and decided they are not crazy or they are your kind of crazy and you finally feel comfortable then you probably find it difficult being the new person anywhere.
So I survived a month of feeling new and weird and out of sync. I used to volunteer at this organization, I would pop in and pop out, I know the people or so I thought. I thought it would be easy… *dreams sold* *delusional* tossed two years of clinical social work and trusty old friend experience out the window like they have never taught me anything at all in all my 28 years.
I have graduated from volunteer to employee, young adult given the responsibility to contribute to society and the people I thought I knew suddenly feel unfamiliar, daunting to say the least. Different clicks, different personalities, learn them: approachable or not, mentorship qualities or not and can you let them in and that’s the thing isn’t it, we have to carefully decide who we let into our lives. It’s easy to say you know someone or a group of people when you are just popping in and out, keeping them at arms length they are not really playing a significant role in your life and then they are elevated to position of impact and you have to decide what role they will play.
So I have spent the past month deciding who I can let into my life; those who colour in the same shades of crazy like me. All I can say is a month is not enough or is it? If and when you pay close attention to your gut feelings maybe a month is enough *shrugs* ‘Colouring in the same shade of crazy’ is however going against my new stance of get to know those who aren’t the same shades of crazy as you as they help you grow. Maybe they don’t have to be let in, just being a part of the conversation helps with learning different points of views and growing from them.
This experience for me has called into question belonging… the oldest of emotions the need to belong, to have an ally, someone to talk to… the oldest feeling of connecting. How unorthodox it is/against human nature, the courage to say it’s okay if that doesn’t happen everywhere you go as long as you show up as your most authentic self, in that way you belong to yourself and I am reminded of:
“You are only free when you realize you belong no place, you belong every place, no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great” Maya Angelou
The musings of ‘that Malawian girl from the Northern Mountains’

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